Dreams of Thine

Talked to Grandmother(who is still alive)

I was talking to my grandmother, and she casually in passing mentioned dying, and then she mentioned her ex-husband, named Council, which I thought was weird.

What on Earth did he have, anyway?

I dreamed that I was talking to this [gay] guy, and I don't remember the context of the dream but he said,"I don't know what (the guy) had, but I had to get thirty-six shots."

Seinfeldian Tragedy 6/17

I was sleeping outside

Nightmare

I woke up to stormy skies Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld were expected to kill each other in order to satisfy a ritual bloodshed ceremony of some sort. One of them had to kill the other with a poinsened dagger that was so potent, only a drop under the skin was sureity in death. After that, I ran off to be with the lead singer in Green Day. Weird

I had a vision not a dream per se

I felt traumatized

I felt haunted by the vision of my own fucking face

It was a vision of me pissed, frustrated, and in such agony... It was right when I falling asleep. It came outta nowhere, and I was just the recipient of it and not the image creator. I envisioned a vision of myself looking at me, almost pleading to be noticed. Oh the traumatic expression on that face. I've never seen anything so powerful and terrifying coming from any face on Earth. I used to stare into the mirror as a kid, and the moment I looked deeply enough to see my soul, I would jump up and run away, terrified. It was just like that, but I couldn't turn away now like then. If anything, the feeling of terror served to wake me up in a hurry, and maybe that's what I needed. Have you ever seen Galadriel in the Lord of the Rings, where she is tempted to take the ring from Frodo, and morphs into a terrifying goddess-like version of herself -- "And I will be beautiful and terrible like the dawn!" It was kinda freaky like that.

It was like I was staring into the mirror. But the expression was like I've never seen it on Earth. Oh--what pain is this? I thought. the pain. This vision was TRAUMATIZED with neglect and disgust. I guess I have a tendency to REPRESS feelings. It was bristling with... not anger as much as an incredible STRENGTH OF WILL that I, and every being in creation, should be TERRIFIED of. There was NOTHING that that being in my vision, the one with my face and the exasperated expression, was not capable of with a mere thought in a particular direction because of that singular terrifyingly focused determination. It was POWER.

I repress my feelings. I should not. This being does not. It internalizes them and then uses that energy from the feelings for sheer fury and steel will! There is a lot that I will learn from this vision that terrified and surprised me..

at least I will learn to give my soul some expression, as that's what it wants. and also I will listen to the thoughts it's wishes to communicate to me. Like how powerful we as humans are. It was the most frightening vision I've ever seen since my overactive childhood imagination ran rampant back then. So there you go. I'm pissed, as I should be, and if I'm not, then I have no Soul.

First dream of the Year, it was a fuck of a dream

• at my house--view of the backyard
• In the future, when the neighborhood's been developed
• Summer, daytime, morning, I just woke up
• alien spaceship crash

Don't feel like going into any detail...

Update 6/12: Still remember this very vivid dream.

Picture that alien space craft from the movie Independance Day. It's in high definition and you can see every detail so clearly. Now picture it on it's side, taking up a huge chunk of the horizen. It's sticking up out of the ground sideways, like a sinking ship. My neighbors were running around chaotically, instantly turned insane from the overload to their brains. I whatched the scene silently, firstly from an awed standpoint, then with horror and pity for the dead crew, then from the concern that my neighbors were now dangerously insane.

January 3, 2008

Communal living arrangement. More professional like than societal. I liked the way it was easy to keep to yourself -- or just whirl around and have someone there to "play with". It had really vivid colors, and it was just nice and bubbly. Everybody else seemed a tad bit grumpy, ah well, thought I. If you think about it, this living arragment on board Arctic Star will be a communal living experience and that being so I'd better take some mental notes about everything. That's what I was doing that in the dream: observing and documenting things.

January 4, 2008

No sleep so no dreams. I DID right a letter to David Wilcock. (i said I had a really Weird dream about him once. I did -- and it was weird. I tell ya. Weird. i don't usually dream in porn.) ..AND a whole bunch of OTHER things that have been keeping me awake till 4 in the morning for a week! i kept the rabbit free to roam around the room all night. He slpt under my bed, it was so cute.

January 5, 2008

Pleasant dreams about my future beloved!

Update: oh god, why didn't I write more stinkin' notes?! Like ...who is he!?? Write dreams in detail, note to self.